I have been consumed with thoughts of moving/not moving. If Ryan gets this job or if he does not and what it will mean to me and my family either way. I have been full of fear, fear of the unknown. What will happen if we do move, what will happen if we don't. We have been stuggling financially the past few months and I wonder what will happen if we don't get this promotion. Then there are all the details that all of it entails. Houses selling/buying, moving, animals, money, kids our relationship and the toll that relocating has had on it in the past. All of these things have consumed my mind and my heart. To the point that it has become paralyzing to me. I felt I couldn't move forward and that I was stuck in limbo. I am a all or nothing kind of person. I always have to be moving in one direction or another, there is not a stagnent bone in my body. So waiting on someone else to make life changing decisions for my life is not my cup of tea.
I have asked God what the point of all this waiting and termoil has. I was wondering that maybe the point is patience. I do lack a serious amount of patience so it wouldn't surprise me but it just didn't seem like the right answer. None of it was making any sense. Though I know in my heart of hearts that everything that happens in my life has a purpose and that God has my best interest at heart. So though I did fear the unknown I did not fear that I would be taken care of either way. But I could not move past all of this and put it out of mind until I got my answer. Like I said I was paralyzed. I couldn't bring myself to do anything except the absolute neccessary.
Sunday morning standing in church I got my answer to my burning question "what is the point of all of this?". We were singing and could not tell you what the song was, the song is not what spoke to me. I think God finally had me in a place that I was quiet enough, still enough to hear His voice. It wasn't the preaching, it wasn't the music, it was just me and God alone in a room full of people and noise all around but my heart was still and that is what He needed to get me to hear Him. So you may wonder what He said to me, it was, "Amy you are missing the point". Was the voice audible? Of course not but that made it no less real. He spoke loud and clear and it was right to my heart and soul. "You are missing the point". As tears started rolling down my face, my heart and mind were being set free. Free from self consumed worry and fear. Freedom that can only come straight from God Himself.
So what is the point? The point is, none of it matters. Where I live, what house I am in, if I even have a house, how much money we have, it doesn't matter. That does go against the grain of everything that we are taught. I think that is the point. "Not my will but thine be done", "put not your trust in man", "the heart of man is decietfully wicked, who can know it" "trust in God with all thine, heart, soul and mind". The lesson wasn't in pateince though this lesson brings patience. The lesson is. no matter where I am, what I am doing, what State I live in, the point is, the entire point of my exsistence on this earth is not measured in what I own, what I accomplish, where I go, it is the whole reason I am even on this earth the point is to: worship my Creator and Saviour. None of the other stuff really matters. I can love Him, praise Him, worship Him and honor Him with my heart, soul and mind. As long as I have breath on this earth the point is to worship my Saviour. Nothing else matters.
I got the point the releif came. God is good!!